Jane Austen wrote what are considered the most romantic novels ever written–and with nary a kiss between lover and beloved. In England, at that time, kissing a woman, at least publicly, meant kissing her hand. Only if she offered it, not otherwise! Men would also never presume to oblige a woman to shake hands. They would offer their hand as assistence, if she was entering or exiting a carriage, for example. While pondering the old social etiquette, we might also take a few minutes to consider, more than superficially, what kind of person is worthy of our love.
Jane Austen’s heroines are excellent mentors for real people dealing with bad friends, bad lovers —or jerks! Heroines go head-to-head with some pretty egotistical characters. No love lost on these types. Just consider the Thorpes’ mind games in Northanger Abbey. Remember the evil strategies of the Crawfords in Mansfield Park. And we can’t forget the insufferable meddling of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, in Pride & Prejudice. Omg! Still, Jane’s young and (sometimes) naive heroines deal effectively with the Dark Side of the Force.
Life improves dramatically when we are thoughtful and rational. Therefore Jane’s higher characters get better partners and rational happiness while the ‘lesser’ characters, whose actions and words show their indifference to others, end up with, well, awkward partners and situations. Some even choose these bad partners with their eyes ‘open’ which is a huge mistake for anyone wanting a happy life. Jane depicts every step and nearly every thought on the path to the wrong marriage partner.
In Mansfield Park, Henry Crawford destroys a family by intentionally raising romantic ‘expectations’ in the Bertram sisters. His attentions create an “emotional attachment,” yet he has no plans to marry! Jane Austen considered this nothing less than… barbaric. Enter the timid Fanny Price. She is the only one not fooled by Henry Crawford. Where does she get this wisdom? By self-knowledge, which keeps her from falling into a serious case of vanity. Henry works on women by using flattering deceit —and he is deceived even as to his own motives. Bad guy. Fanny sees this. Her highly educated cousins, who absorb their minds in all the niceties of external society and polished manners cannot. Fanny is silent and observant. Her mind is fixed in yoga practice and she sees the truth.
The first priority is to know ourselves. Consciousness is eternal and naturally blissful, in its pure state. A simple connection with our Source (simultaneously ourselves) can change our lives. When the sun rises it lights up everything. Self-knowledge can be our saving! In Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth Bennett’s life is forever changed after reading Mr. Darcy’s letter. As she discovered the truth she understood, “Until that moment I never knew myself!” Excellent breakthrough moment! By the way, in the 1800s, happy endings were the norm in any literature with a moral message. Jane Austen’s message was that happiness is the result of a good life and, even today, many people would agree with this.
We might wonder why many movies are so cynical about love. Love stories are not often about love, but lust. This is a messed up sort of love. We may believe that rational happiness is not “racy” enough or that romantic happiness lacks realism. Yet there are even some animal species that mate for life so why deny the possibility for humans to grow-or to have healthy romances? I believe that any message that denies the possibility of normal human relationships cannot be psychologically healthy.
The truth is, that witty and rational characters are more interesting, and their struggles also tend to inspire us. Hey, if romantic happiness is not to be expected, then what else of ‘transcendent’ importance do we have to live and aspire for? It is sign of these narcissistic times that we hardly understand the basics of good relationships —or the fact that civility and respect are necessary for romantic love. This is why I love Jane Austen’s novels.
Many folks see nothing wrong with Charlotte Lucas’ choice of Mr. Collins as a partner yet the fact is that Jane Austen meant to create a stark contrast. There is a significant difference between Charlotte’s ideas about matrimony, and the heroine, Elizabeth’s. We are first presented with what a romance should definitely not look like. Poor Charlotte Lucas chooses her marriage partner so unwisely that hers was a comfortable home “only when the owner could be forgot” and her domestic arrangements were prioritized by how well they assisted her in avoiding her husband’s company! Mr. Collins was a “conceited, pompous, narrow-minded, silly” man and yet Charlotte would overlook everything but the ‘comfortable’ home. Charlotte’s marriage may be considered ‘prudent’ as to fortune —nothing more! Here’s a link to Professor John Mullan speaking on the marriage of Charlotte and Mr. Collins (who ironically tells Elizabeth that he and his wife seem to have been “designed for each other”). Truer words were never spoken as neither truly loves the other. In contrast, Elizabeth states that , “I am determined that only the deepest love will induce me into matrimony,” and she waits for the right person. She doesn’t settle.
One more thought: Some people claim that Mr. Darcy’s wealth was the primary reason for Elizabeth choosing him as a partner, this can be easily proved false. If her choice had been all about money and a comfortable home, Lizzy would not have rejected his first proposal. Furthermore, if she had accepted Mr. Darcy before he had changed for the better, her marriage would have been no better than Charlotte’s and probably much worse. The happy ending is in large part earned by Elizabeth’s higher character and also by her accepting the good advice of her aunt, Mrs. Gardiner, who cautions her against the villainous Mr. Wickham.
In Jane’s description of a romance based in the ‘deepest’ love, we find love based in true friendship! Elizabeth considers her friend’s situation as something to think of with concern:
“Poor Charlotte! it was melancholy to leave her to such society! But she had chosen it with her eyes open;… she did not seem to ask for compassion. Her home and her housekeeping, her parish and her poultry, and all their dependent concerns, had not yet lost their charms.“
—Pride and Prejudice
Jane Austen Yoga 