Happiness is the result of practice. Everyone is seeking happiness, yet what is the path? How do we find it? The answer leads us to reconnect, by devotion, with our Source, which is the reason for our existence. As we are conscious beings who seek friendships and loving relationships, it is rational and natural to expect the origin of our existence to be a conscious and loving personal Being. Otherwise, if our source was just an impersonal glowing ‘radiance,’ it would be strange if it had a desire to create anything, what to speak of creating this world full of personal beings, who seek love and loving connections with other people, with our children, with friends and others. The ancient process or practice for attaining happiness is called, bhakti-yoga, (bhakti means devotional and yoga means ‘connection.’) To connect with this Source is the goal, and if anyone has had a bad experience with the term, “God,” we accept that there are millions of names (so we don’t get hung up on the name). We like the Sanskrit name, Krishna, because it means “all-attractive.”
In this world, although attraction, friendship and love are what give us the greatest pleasure, we often find unhappiness or disappointment, when seeking love. Why does this have to be the case? The main cause is when relationships become complicated by conflicting desires, or if one or both persons become focused on their own pleasure. First, by allowing lust and selfishness to intrude, which is a very common mistake that people often fall into. In this age, we are living in a society that has little information as to our true self, and by misidentifying ourselves with our body, when we are actually spiritual beings doing business as humans, we lose our ability to be rational and to be really loving towards others. When we lack this self-knowledge, our priority becomes taking (expressing selfishness) rather than giving (love is expressed by giving), instead we feel a strong “need” to use another person, either for sex or some other purpose. This intense selfishness is incompatible with our desire to have deeply loving relationships.
To get a little more clarity, let’s take the scenic route to “yoga philosophy” by looking at love through the idea of ‘pure’ romance. According to Jane, in any relationship where selfishness prevails, the “happily ever after” never happens. Only loving friendships give this type of satisfactory experience. This was understood long ago by the philosopher Aristotle. He categorizes three types of relationships: These are motivated by either utility, pleasure or ‘pure’ friendship. In a relationship based on ‘utility,’ one person is being more or less, used. Not good. The same goes for ‘friendships’ where it’s simply for the pleasure of one person, and not a mutually loving thing. Of course, one-sided relationships are also inferior. Taking without also reciprocating is not love and takers do not make good friends, or lovers. Finally, there are relationships of pure loving friendship, in which both parties care about each other and have mutual respect.
Here’s the amazing thing about Jane’s novels. They illustrate the highest love, in the mode of pure friendship which is why they are generally considered to be the most romantic ever written. Therefore it may seem strange to hear scholars call attention to her ‘anti-romantic’ stance. What does this mean?
We will need to distinguish Aristotelian ‘pure’ love (ie, what may be mistaken for anti-romance), from the very superficial “love” which is based completely in the “physical gratification” aspect of relationships. Understanding the difference in quality between these relationships is what Jane does so elegantly.
Jane encourages us to use our intelligence and to love, intelligently. Her heroines are careful when they find themselves getting that ‘crush’ on a guy. I find it nice too, that they usually get good advice (often just in time!) from a wise friend or an aunt or a cousin. When the love endorphins kick in, we can fall victim to that semi-mindless state which causes us to stop thinking and then it’s all downhill. This is stupid love when we rush into relationships, and ignore all the signs that the person has no intention of reciprocating. In that case, what can we expect but unhappiness? Stupid love is not romance and, “But I love him/her” is not a compelling argument. This is more like choosing “wishful thinking.” Somehow people get into relationships with people…where it’s sort of like climbing into one of those machines that grinds up tree branches! The character of a person takes time to understand, so resist the urge to risk everything before you really know what you are investing in. It takes time so this is a test of one’s patience and character, despite all the hormones.
Jane’s heroines feel those strong feelings of attraction, yet what keeps them out of the power of the wrong guy has to do with philosophy and self-knowledge. Again, it helps to get reality checks from wise friends, not from people who tend to confuse love with lust. A little caution is good because…for example, Jane’s villainous “cads” (a sort of old-fashioned word that means a guy who isn’t serious about love)…these guys often seem like perfect gentlemen–at first. Another reason to be cautious is not just about NOT falling for the wrong guy. It’s also helpful to keep our eyes open for when the right guy comes along. In Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice, the heroine finally realized that she had the bad guy mixed up with the good one. “There certainly was some mismanagement…one has all the goodness and the other has all the appearance of it” (P&P). After unpacking the mix up between the good and the bad, the path to the “true happy ending” is SOoo easy.
My conclusion after 12 years of reading Jane’s works, is that she understood the need for pure love, for real happiness. The soul’s normal condition is to be absorbed in loving relationships so if we look at this from the point of view of a yogi who is trying to reconnect to our Source, we can think about how a relationship works. Actually, when you are dealing with the Supreme, the source of everything, what else do we have to offer? In the Gita, one of the most famous verses is the Lord’s request,
“Engage your mind always in thinking of Me, offer obeisances and worship Me. Being completely absorbed in Me, surely you will come to Me”(9.34).
Jane teaches this principle of pure love in her novels and Bhagavad-gita gives us the philosophical basis for reconnecting to our source with devotion. Once we ‘plug into’ that source it becomes easy to love others and to discover ourselves. Win-win situation!
- Buy Bhagavad-Gita here! From Barnes & Noble
- Get Jane Austen’s Complete Novels here! From Amazon.com
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Jane Austen Yoga 