In the modern idea of love, many people now confuse romantic love with fleeting physical relationships. It may not be the popular thing to say in modern culture, yet a healthy relationship is not what we typically get from “hookups.” This is not about bashing sex. Normal sexuality is not shown in the mainstream media and yet most of us want good friendships and hope to find love. This blog is an intro to “enlightened” romance, which means engaging in a more thoughtful process. Hey, and science agrees with this view. Science shows that, “whenever and wherever” and “no commitment” are not the basis for a rational experience. It’s very shocking also, that young people state that they are engaging in “hookups” simply because their friends expect them to. What kind of “friends” would expect someone to walk into a 100% physical encounter with a total stranger? Yeesh! Actually, the best thing for us is to wait… for that “someone” who deserves your trust and who will be there when you need them. Now, to introduce yoga, which is the real best way of connecting!
Yoga actually (literally) means “connecting,” and the first practice in yoga is to clear up a big mistake. What mistake? The mistake is seeing ourselves as the material body. The body is a vehicle for consciousness, which we all experience. Yoga practice and philosophy free us from “body-consciousness,” which is the mistake of focusing on what is external and temporary, so that we can realize our self. It’s about self-knowledge, which Socrates recommended and which Jane Austen wrote into her novels, literally. Her heroines are seeking self-knowledge, which helps us see that love means giving. If we are focusing on our own physical desires then we focus on getting something (from someone else). “Taking” is the opposite of love. Someone may see another person who attracts them, and they may want to use the body of that person. Obviously, the more we have intense selfishness, it prevents us from thinking of what is good for another person.
What can we do? Well, here’s where Jane and yoga can help. Jane wrote romantic novels that demonstrate the hazards and challenges to finding love. Her novels are sometimes hilarious and very witty. She understood what was involved in seeking a serious relationship with someone, only to find out that they are not the person we imagined them to be. In her novels, the heroines…well, they try their best to be patient and clear-headed. They wait. Yup, they wait until they’ve have had a chance to understand the person whom they are thinking about as a potential partner. During the Regency period (around the late 1700s to early 1800s, the stakes were high (there was no divorce), yet it wasn’t a crap-shoot only for women. Men were (and still are) equally liable to fall in love and “check out” in terms of rational thinking. Omg. It’s such an old story… Here’s a clue:
In Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park, the hero, Edmund Bertram, develops a deep infatuation (not a real understanding or friendship) with the artful and seductive Mary Crawford. Indeed Edmund almost marries her. He initially sees the faults in her thinking and behavior, yet eventually, he caves in to his own “fantasies” and is bewildered. He finds out that she is not the person she seems to be, not even close! It was a case of letting his imagination take over. How many of us have done that! We think we know someone, and then we realize this is not the person we imagined. Many readers find Mary Crawford’s behavior attractive indeed! Well, we feel for them if they ever meet such a deceptive person.
So what is the best way to look for a serious relationship (the only kind that can give us rational and lasting happiness?) Humans are by nature ‘wired’ to seek love, so what does an intelligent person do? How do we sift through the “users” and “takers” out there—and how do we stay rational during those moments when the love endorphins are going full force? Do we need a strategy? We certainly do! Many a love song goes on about this dilemma, right? The first thing to realize, is that we can’t do anything about other people, yet we can protect ourselves from serious consequences and entanglement. It’s a matter of having the right consciousness. This study of consciousness is part of the science of yoga philosophy and this video link (below) is something amazing. It’s a lecture given by my mentor, HD Goswami, on the “whys and hows” that yoga is great for rational life, which is the best way to start understanding “self-knowledge” which is essential for love (and I go more into the topic of love in my blog on Yoga and Aristotle). Links are on this page. Enjoy the video!
Jane Austen Yoga 