Can there be really healthy relationships even when we’ve lost our understanding of simple truths and are bombarded with portrayals of abusive partners in modern movies and social media? I mean, sure it sells, yet how do we avoid the blindness that makes us gullible to jerks? No doubt, the rampant increase in our collective “narcissism” does nothing to improve our awareness and none of us can really stomach that, “meek shall inherit the earth” stuff, can we? Unfortunately, we are now being subjected to the influence of the “narcissistic-in-chief,” who is as much at his “barbaric best” at state functions, as when discussing our country’s fallen soldiers! The media broadcasts this creature’s uncivilized example, 24/7, so that our society is wrongly led to accept this as a normal state of mindless disregard and disrespect. It’s practically an international phenomenon! Recently, an expert climber from Austria left his (amateur!) climbing partner behind, to freeze to death on a mountain. Reportedly, it’s not the first time he has done this (the other lady survived). He got a big fine yet no jail time. What de heck?
So, just sayin’…with all this ‘incivility’ circulating more and more in society, it may turn out to be a good thing (perhaps for our longevity also?) that Jane Austen challenges our modern ideas of love and friendship. She especially ridiculed imaginary ideas of “love at first sight” and took a very ‘antiromantic’ approach to relationships. That is, she was a philosopher (with an excellent sense of humor) who grew up during the height of the Renaissance, when rationality was considered the basis of a good life–and stupidity was laughed at. Being gullible for the sake of ‘love’ was (and still is), ludicrous! Despite her critique of ‘sensibility’ (over-wrought emotionality), Austen wrote what are considered the most romantic novels, ever written. This seem contradictory, doesn’t it? We need to explain this. In Pride & Prejudice, the heroine, Lizzy, refuses to marry for mere economic advantage, or even physical attraction. Meanwhile, the other, “lesser-as-to-morality” characters get themselves stuck in wretched marriages and financial circumstances. We can see that they deserve this outcome! Meanwhile, the heroine (and hero) who stick to their principles, get invariably good results and suffer no material disadvantage. By holding to reasonable moral convictions, there is a rational, (almost logical) result that guarantees rational (read: long-lasting) happiness. Mysterious and yet we sense the truth in these things. Why does it work?
Somehow, in moments of clarity, we understand happiness to be based on ‘equality,’ which we express by an unselfish “give and take” of respect and gratitude with a partner or friends. This is not about one person doing all the giving and the other person doing all the taking. That is not love. In fact, modern relationship therapists (good ones), now advise us to notice how our prospective partner treats ‘service’ workers (especially when there’s an issue with your order), and other vulnerable persons. The point is, the way we treat people that we can abuse without consequences, says a lot about our character, and if you’re a serious (or aspiring) Jane Austen fan, you know that this sense-of-civility is where her novels are focused. She is incisive and wickedly funny (and compassionate) about little faults of character, yet her novels focus on serious deviations from civilized and moral behavior. This directly affects the way the novels proceed. Often, her novels are misunderstood as lacking a plot. They are not “action” novels. Rather, they focus on actions which describe high character vs ignorant and immoral or amoral behavior. Jane is precise in showing how her characters’ attitudes and behavior generate events which culminate in…karma! Despite everything that modern society tries to tell us about the “good guys finishing last,” we believe this to be right, and are never surprised to find that those with the highest character end up with a great life and lower characters end up with the “booby-prize.” This is too easy to observe by examining the wretched life of this creature in the White House, who is ruining everything for the USA, the world, the environment and (whether he knows it or not), himself and his family. As they say, “What goes around, comes around.” Jane Austen’s novels describe a “moral universe.” There is justice.
Unfortunately, we become confused as to how character and choices affect our lives. At this time, 2026 in the USA, especially if we are rational, we must be galled by it all! The vacuum of morality, ethics and normal standards of behavior…so we are seeing every day, that law and justice mean nothing when graft is involved. The average person is hardly philosophically prepared to deal with the truly stupid ideologies at play. My mentor notes that while we may not all study psychology, we all have one, and the same goes for philosophy. The philosophy of “takers” is that their own needs are more important than anyone else, there’s no love involved. Basically it’s atheism when we imagine ourselves as most important, respectable, powerful, the “center of the universe,” or holding a monopoly on ‘correct’ political ideologies. On the other hand, those capable of love see the equality of all and they express their love by giving,..(but not stupidly). Not in the idiotically romantic or gullible sense of giving. Pure romantic relationships are based in metaphysics, and ‘depth’ psychology. Romantic love expresses our deepest intentions (based on the level of consciousness we have) and is directed by (pure) intelligence, and, of course, those with polluted intelligence make the most irrational decisions. Read it and weep. Now let’s get smart–and get metaphysical.
This is where Jane’s advice, “Know thy own happiness,” is relevant. This is the core of her message in her novels—it’s Truth. The truth revealed by self-knowledge, leads us to freedom. With self-knowledge, our gratitude and respect, for all that is worthy of love, removes the ignorance that blinds us to our best life. Thus, it’s a good idea to discover (literally “uncover”) some idea of self—so who are we?
The ABCs of Metaphysics: Our true self, is consciousness, not a material thing. Our body is merely a vehicle. In fact, we are spiritual beings “dba,” doing business as human beings. Usually, we seek external pleasure while remaining asleep to the true self. The external world misguides us to ignore the reality: Our conscious self is an untapped source of unlimited bliss and knowledge! If we allow ourselves to be controlled by the urges of the senses, we suffer. For example, naturally, when our hunger is very intense, it becomes impossible to think about anything but food—and no one can interest us in anything else. Similarly, if a man is physically attracted by a woman, he cannot simply grab her and try to enjoy her body. It is extremely selfish to see her ONLY as an object of HIS gratification, and not as a person with her own wishes and purpose, and ignoring this is the cause of uncivilized and disgusting behavior. Same for women who use men…m-kay, ladies?Actually, morality might be considered a type of common sense, which Americans generally used to have. Used to have the saying, “What goes around, come around.” That’s mostly not a thing anymore. Now, we are a society struggling under a “collective” loss of moral compass, and it’s a bad situation. As we see, criminals disguised as politicians are circling like sharks, taking advantage of our collective loss of common sense. We’ve been misled and it’s unintentional, yet not so innocent as losing our car keys. We have some responsibility.
So, now what? Can Jane Austen & Yoga help us? Is there a rational path or a scientific process that can help us? There is. It’s a process of re-connection to our Source. It’s called yoga (literally, ‘connection’). We experience unhappiness because our self-knowledge is “covered” by material modes of nature—goodness, passion and ignorance. Think of a traffic light with red, green or yellow. Beneath the colored lenses, is pure white light. These 3 modes of nature are covering our pure consciousness and causing us to falsely mistake “self” as the body. This is explained in the 2nd Chapter of the Bhagavad-Gita (see link on my homepage to order it). So how do we stop identifying ourselves as a temporary material body? Science proves that we cannot be these bodies because our bodies undergo reincarnation: We are changing the skin cells (every 2 weeks) and all the cells are changing, every 7 years. So divide your age by 7 and that’s how many times your body has reincarnated in this life! You don’t have a toddler or child’s body anymore, yet you might remember that you played and expressed yourself as a child. The body changing virtually every moment, however, the metaphysical (conscious) self remains constant. The practice of yoga gives us the full freedom we need, to truly love others rather than just seeking to exploit them. As for the body, it’s important and we take care of the body because it is an amazing vehicle-opportunity to realize that we are more than just matter. The inner, conscious “self” is a spark of pure consciousness, with qualities that are like the qualities of our Source, yet we are always a separate person with free will. We get spiritual intelligence (buddhi-yoga) by making a sincere connection to our source. This process of “devotional connection” is called bhakti-yoga.
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So, having said this much, this blog was supposed to be about Mansfield Park, wasn’t it? Mansfield Park is a challenging novel for many readers. In this novel, we see characters who are all equally liable to fall in love while “checking out” in terms of rational thinking. Omg. It’s such an old story! The hero, Edmund Bertram, develops a dangerous infatuation with the artful and seductive Mary Crawford. Initially, he sees the faults in her thinking and behavior, yet he is gradually blinded. Her beauty, her harp-playing …and Cupid’s arrow! He forgets all her faults and only sees her alluring charms. She’s the “one and only” perfect partner for him! Seriously? Never mind that she has no interest in religion (Edmund is 100% serious about becoming a clergyman), and she is “amoral” or having no sense of right or wrong, and not open to discussing ethics or morality. Her brother, Henry Crawford, is just like her. Like a bull in a china shop, Henry seduces women, (married, unmarried or engaged to another man), and shows no consideration for his friend’s (Edmund’s) very respectable family. Sir Thomas Bertram, the very conservative father of the family is of the women don’t seem to notice the danger. The Bertram family is essentially clueless to what is happening, because they are mislead by Henry’s ‘polished’ superficial manners and formidable theatrical talents. It is terrifying how Edmund’s sister, Maria, who is newly engaged to a very wealthy yet very inferior “Mr. Rushmore” (described by John into an adulterous relationship, (one that inevitably becomes an excruciatingly public affair. The heroine, Fanny Price, is the only person in this novel who is able to ‘see’ Henry’s selfish agenda, despite his professions of love for her. This is a difficult novel because most of us don’t relate to Fanny’s rather strict sense of decorum, plus, this novel can hardly reach the moder reader since it is all about, “The meek shall inherit the earth,” which westerners have totally lost contact with. This novel attacks the irrationality of that, “love at first sight” feeling. Fanny thinks back to what she has actually witnessed, as to Henry’s cadish behavior. Her rationality is shocking. It is difficult to engage the “brain-in-1st-gear” and see our “romantic imagination run wild” for what it is, a behavior that puts ourselves at risk. We have a picture in our imagination and think that we know someone, only to find out, the hard way, that they are not a good person. In these crazy hyper-unphilosophical times, we tend to engage too quickly in physical intimacy, and thus we miss all the red flags, and find out too late. Don’t be in a rush. We need to go VERY slow during the dating process (check out this link to Anna Runkle’s channel “Crappy Childhood Fairy” on YouTube. especially if you’ve experienced any childhood abuse, neglect, etc.). Don’t let anyone pressure you into a casual physical relationship.
By the way, gotta say this…it’s striking that many of the unprincipled characters in Austen’s novels, are the one many modern readers “fall for.” They find Mary Crawford (and her ‘rakish’ brother, Henry Crawford, irresistibly charming! Yet, once you see the truth about these characters, you cannot “unsee” it. Those who don’t see it…it is as if they have been reading a different novel! They willfully (and stupidly) refuse to acknowledge the in-your-face truth presented about Henry and Mary. Jane Austen is brilliantly and intentionally doing this and she knows that some will fall for Henry. Anyone who falls for Henry has little or no moral compass. Their morality check is wacked, it’s a FAIL! At their own peril, they ignore the fact that Mary and Henry are behaving monstrously. These characters themselves, explicitly tell us what they are! Mary Crawford speaks lightly about her own thoughtlessness: “Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope for a cure.” (MP Ch 7). Henry explains that he prefers a woman who is engaged to be married. Omg! If we cannot see through these characters, then we are doomed if we ever meet a Henry or Mary Crawford. Fanny Price is the only one to escape the vortex of one of the most horrifying and poisonous stories of “romance,” –ever! She is not blinded and, in the end, this devastatingly realistic story reminds one of the ending in Moby Dick. Yoikes! Only one survivor!
“Could she believe Miss Crawford to deserve him, it would be – Oh, how different it would be – how far more tolerable! But he was deceived in her: he gave her merits which she had not; her faults were what they had ever been, but he saw them no longer.” (MP, Ch)
How do we stay rational during those moments when the love endorphins are going full force? Do we need a strategy? We certainly do! Many a love song has been written about this dilemma! Nothing can be done about other people’s behavior, yet we can protect ourselves from serious consequences and entanglement. It’s a matter of having the right consciousness.
The video link (below) is something amazing. It’s a lecture given by my mentor, HD Goswami, on the best way to start understanding this self-knowledge. Enjoy the video!